The Lesson and the Gift

Dealing with a major illness has a way of consuming your life – physically and emotionally. With the relentless schedule of doctor’s appointments, medical tests and treatments, plus the tremendous frustration of physical limitations and overall discomfort, it’s easy to feel sorry for yourself, to spend too many hours in bed or just to give up. I found myself heading that way. Then one day while I was hooked up to a dialysis machine, one of my young students came to visit me. With wide eyes and obvious concern, she said, “You always know how to make me feel better, and I know you can do it for yourself.”

Her comment triggered one of those “Ah-ha!” moments, forcing me to look for something positive about my situation. It was a tough assignment. But that 9-year-old kid made me realize that from these otherwise unpleasant experiences, I learned a life-enhancing lesson and received a priceless gift. It’s been a long time coming, but fortunately, life’s a persistent teacher.

The lesson is to accept help from others gratefully and graciously and even to ask for it when needed. This isn’t easy for an independent person. I’ve prided myself on my ability to do things by myself and make it on my own – to be tough. So much for pride and self-sufficiency! They rapidly dissipated when suddenly I had to rely on family and friends for the simple requirements of daily living. As it turns out, allowing others to help me made them feel better, too. I know how satisfying it is to do something for someone else. Now, I know that to refuse help is to deny others that satisfaction.

The incredible gift that has come out of this is human connection. As word spread about my illness, the number of letters, emails, phone calls and visits I received was overwhelming. It’s been years since I’ve seen or heard from many who contacted me. All of them told me how I’d touched their lives in special ways. To hear and read such tributes is one of the most precious gifts a person can receive. It’s like being at your own memorial service while you’re alive to enjoy it! My father always said, “Send the flowers to people when they can smell them.” I am going to try to send “flowers of appreciation” much more often than I do.